Rhonda Bracey: At Random

Finally, a long term 3-day-a-week technical writing contract that I’ve had for some five and a half years will be coming to an end towards the end of June. I’ve known this for ages, but it’s only recently that they found a full-time replacement for me. Since a date has been set for my replacement starting and me doing a handover week, it’s amazing how many other doors are opening without me actively looking.

I’ve had several phone calls this past week, all of which are potential contract opportunities. Of course, nothing may come of any of them, but as I haven’t had many work calls in the past few months, I’ve got to wonder if it’s the state of the economy at the moment, or … [cue “Twilight Zone” music here] … something more universal in that I’m *allowing* myself to be open to new possibilities. Oh well, whatever…

Last week a discussion on one of my tech writing lists focused on using fictitious names in documentation, such as in Name fields in software and websites that are used in training, demonstrations, and screenshots in the manuals. One thing you don’t want to do is use a set of real names from a real client. In fact, I heard of an instance – it may be an apocryphal tale – where a real person’s name was projected on a large screen, and some in the training session got very upset as that person had died very recently.

So this discussion offered some ideas for ‘dummy’ names that you could use. Now, whether you would actually use any of these is not my call – you’d have to make your own decision based on who you work for and who your audience is!

Here’s a sample of some that were offered:

If you need ‘real’ names, you can always try some of the many random name generators on the internet. You can get some very weird ones (like Klingon names, fantasy names, etc.), but there are ‘real’ names among all that too. One that I particularly like takes the names from the various US census and mixes them up according to popularity, gender, etc. Try it at: http://www.kleimo.com/random/name.cfm (another one I found when looking for this one was:
http://www.behindthename.com/random/)

(Thanks to the contributors on the STC Lone Writers discussion list)

Today, on one of my tech writer lists, someone posted a link to this website where the rules of Klingon tech writing are documented.

In case this list ever disappears, gets moved, whatever, I’ve reproduced it here, with thanks to whoever put it together! (My favourite is #4.)

Klingon Technical Writers
The top 16 things likely to be overheard if you had Klingon technical writers working on your documentation team:

1. Klingons do not sit in meetings, we take what we want and kill anyone who opposes us!
2. Certification?! Taking your head and putting it on a pike in my office is all the certification I need!
3. I will return to the homeworld and my documentation will arise triumphant in the STC Documentation Gauntlet, leaving all others drowning in their own dangling modifiers. It will be glorious!!
4. Not returning my review copies by the agreed deadline is a declaration of war. Indeed, it is a good day to die.
5. These software specifications are for the weak and timid!!
6. This version of Word is a piece of GAGH! I need the latest version of Framemaker if I am to do battle with this manual.
7. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon.
8. Indentation?! I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
9. What is this talk of “drafts”? Klingons do not make document “drafts”. Our documents escape, leaving a bloody trail of SMEs in its wake!
10. Passive voice is a sign of weakness. Its elimination will be quick.
11. Proofreading? Klingons do not proofread. Our documents are purified with pain-sticks which cleanses the documents of impurities.
12. I have challenged the entire Marketing and R&D team to a Bat-Leh contest! They will not concern us again.
13. A TRUE Klingon warrior riddles his document with bullets, leaving it to beg for mercy.
14. By changing the layout of my manual, you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
15. You question the worthiness of my grammar? I should kill you where you stand!
16. Our users will know fear and cower before our suite of manuals and online help! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!

… I don’t think so!

David Pogue, the NY Times technology guru/columnist had something to say about the complexities in setting up a home network, but really it was a rant about the overblown “Wizard” he was faced with when trying to install some Netgear hardware.

One reading his post, it sounds as though everyone from the developers to the lawyers had input into the Wizard – everyone, that is, except the tech writer or “user experience” (UX) expert! An hour of the tech writer or UX person’s time could have dramatically improved this Wizard… such a small price to pay – and much cheaper than lawyers!

(a.k.a. wordsmiths)

After work today we had our informal get together of the local tech writers group at a pub in Subiaco. Much wit and repartee and some terrible puns! Puns we couldn’t get away with in normal conversation with work colleagues or friends and family, but puns that had the appropriate level of groan response with that group.

Thanks guys – it was fun swimming with my own kind again.